Monday 5 July 2010

Captive

Walk with me on the ever green fields,
I hold your silver necklace
on a leash tightly as you pull,
know that, I am your authority.

I will breed you and your seeds
for profitability,
I request your loyalty
as I am royalty.

No sleep for you indeed
for my pleasure is your needs,
stay on your knees, my satisfaction
Is beyond measure like the dead in the sea.

You can not escape my
overcast shadows,
Stay there, chained up
behind my crystal glass, now.
work your magic,
my sweet Captive.


29/06/10
Shaun Gordon aka Donusho ©

(interpretation of 'reality is a bitch and silence is it's whore' by HereComesTheSun).

14 comments:

  1. magic // captive is a slick rhyme.

    also, second stanza, I wonder if the grammar is correct: ''I breed... for profit_''?

    Speak Easy,

    Sharp Noir.

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  2. thanks for your comment/point on 2nd stanza Sharp. To be honest, i like the way it slipped off my tongue and thats what i am expressing.

    please feel free to add comment correcting the second stanza - as i am open and willing to learn.
    thank you.

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  3. you do have a slick flow to this...that last stanza kinda threw me a bit from where i was heading...can you give me some insight on the "behind the crystal glass"...thanks for linking up with one shot...

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  5. Hi Brian, Thank you for you comment, this is much appreciated. "behind the crystal glass" is symbolic to my prison, as though i were their Fortune teller and i am in charge of their fate(inside and outside the 'crystal'), to the point of commanding them when to leave and do their deeds etc. Just my way of expressing upmost and complete authority.

    Linking with one shot is my Pleasure.

    Would you mind sharing where you thought i was heading?

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  6. First it brought to mind a dog (leash) and then I thought of some S&M/bondage relationship. Seems a case of unquestioned domination, either way. Very interesting work, Donusho!

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  7. I read this first as dominance and submission relationship - but a submission not necessarily agreed to. Having read your comment to Brian, the poem is even more intriguing with the idea of a Fortune Teller commanding those who seek guidance to his/her bidding. Interesting.

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  8. you capture captivity with powerful words

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  9. i enjoyed this as it was...and could read this as if i was listening to it being read...thanks for sharing with one shot cheers pete

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  10. I love the play of the "ownership" and control you portray here. I also like the infinite number you create with your simile of dead in the sea. Nicely played.

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  11. WOW
    Thrilling and so tempting, loving at the same time... Just great! Brilliant poem!

    So Nice to meet you!
    ;)

    Dulce

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  12. Thank you everyone for your comments, All are very much appreciated:

    @Dulce - Glad you enjoyed it & Nice to meet you too! :)

    @Monkey Man - I am glad you picked up on the simile of the dead in the sea. you made me Smile! thanks.

    @Pete Marshall - Thank you for the inspiration, i think i might actually do a recording, i will let you know when this is posted up. thanks.

    @Claudia - Thank you very much, i am trying to increase my reading to broaden my creativity with words, especially powerful ones.

    @Talon & Eric Alder - Yes, when i re-read the poem, i thought the same thing, even though my first and initial inspiration was money and saving (compound interest etc). but then i got carried away and allowed creativity to just do what it wanted. funny that what you start off with dont neccesarily end that way.

    Take care everyone
    see you next one stop wednesday x

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  13. This is really very gripping. It just kept me wanting to know more about what was going on throughout. Very captivating!

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  14. Hi Teresa, Thank you for your comment (SMILE) thats really great that you were captivated throughout the poem. Thank you for such amazing compliment.

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