Wednesday, 1 September 2010

I saw you Today Grey.

I saw you Today Grey.

I saw you today
focused and tired
walking on the bleak and grey tarmac
Blurry around nine-thirty.

I saw you today
my smile greeted you
with the warmth of the sun
you felt it, unknowingly.

I saw you today
In your navy tank top
over a white t-shirt and jeans,
holding a Brown tan leather breif-case,
oh, look at that!
You've cut your hair low,
other than that,
you looked the same.

Almost, a frozen picture frame.

I saw you today
as you walked
in your bubble of thoughts
which was 'un-pop-able':
were you stressed?
Are you even happy?

I saw you today
and reminisced
on how I saw you
as my big brother
bordering Fatherhood figure
Cloaked and protected
under your wings, your words and guidance...

I saw you today
and could have
walked directly behind you
and morphed myself into your shadow
Instead I let you go.

Its a shame
that we were so close
and I was
simply unrecognisable.
Today was good
Because I saw you.

Shaun Gordon aka Donusho
26/8/2010 ©


  1. I enjoyed the repetition and development. Nice writing. - Bill

  2. truly seeing someone is an amazing skill and in may ways a compliment...i too like the build on this one...

  3. I think some of your rhyme schemes here are too simple for the relative complexity of the content. More slant rhymes would be better. But good, overall.

  4. @Bill, Thanks - I am glad you enjoyed the poem, if you enjoy repetition in poetry, have a read and see what you think of my 'I Blinked' poem.

    @Brian, Glad you enjoyed the poem too - i was at a coffee bar whilst i was writing this poem on the availiable napkin, keen to capture the experience & suppressd emotion i was feeling.

    @Marit, Thank you for your comment, it's much appreciated. i will bear this in mind for future writing/poems. :)

  5. This made me feel bittersweet. I felt like I was peeking from behind a corner and seeing it all take place. I love the ease of it and the tone.

  6. Thank you for your comment Talon, i am glad you could share in my experience in this way and i am happy that the ease and the tone came through in my writing, which was what i was trying to convey.

  7. 'Blurry around nine-thirty' was trite and persistent in its imagery as i continued reading the poem. A lucid piece,

    Speak Easy.

  8. Sharp Noir, thanks for your comment.

  9. That way I can see or rather feel my late brother... whom I must let go... perhaps another time?

    Beautiful poem! No matter how sad...


  10. Oh, you do have a way of connecting with emotion - the kind that most of us hide; you bring it out and give it a voice, a story, an image and reveal so much of your own human-ness. Without losing pride or giving away self-respect, you understand what it is to be vulnerable as a love-hungry child and strong a a wild creature who watches beneath furred body and comes out in the dark to eat.
    Somehow, this poem reminded me of my flash-fiction Grizzly Remains. I'll give you the link:
    Mine is in the voice of a child - yours in the voice of a man. Same hunger; same realization.
    I don't get much time these days to read other writers' work, but I love it when I get to yours. You go where most fear to tread; when you write, you remove all layers of false pride and imitation. You lay the scene bare and let the energy flow - even when approaching a lioness, you humbly state that you don't know her language. And then you speak to her with that humility and curiosity and ask to touch her fur. You are a gifted poet/artist. Well worth the time spent reading, diving in and exploring.

  11. @Brokenpenwriter, Thank you very much, again Speechless and humbled by your comments. I feel very encouraged to delve in deeper into myself and my poetry, also to allow myself to be open and expressive about my emotions and thoughts. Your appreciation of my work make it a great pleasure to share and continue writing.
    Thank you for your Compliments.
    I am looking forward to checking out your link and will let you know what i think!(oow was that a rhyme lol).